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[This is a fictional entry!]
Everything shimmered around me from all directions in my delirious state of longing. Maybe “blurry” would make more sense, but no – shining sparkles of light seemed to erupt from wherever I looked. The sound of rubber on road had been drowned out long ago by the tragic love songs blaring mindlessly through my speakers as I drove down the highway. Since when had it been raining? Maybe it was the rain that made everything dance in the starlight in such an unearthly beautiful way. It certainly contrasted my feelings well. Beautiful… Peaceful… Seemingly content.
No, that didn’t make any sense at all, but it didn’t really have to. That’s what I thought. Everything and everyone else was happy while I was miserable, driving in the rain on a night getting no closer to where I wanted to be despite the miles that I’d put behind myself.
What I would do for just some sign that I wasn’t shut out forever from what I needed: what I craved. But nothing. That’s what I got – absolutely nothing. Utter silence from everyone and everything. There was no sign from above to console me as I drove aimlessly, letting the tears fall freely since I couldn’t be bothered to make the effort of keeping my face dry. It wasn’t worth it.
I’d missed my chance. That’s what it had boiled down to. All of those nights that I took it for granted only to be left standing at the end alone. Fury and sadness and longing burned in me more ferociously than gas-fed fire. For just a word, touch, or any hint that it wasn’t over… My insides clenched in fear.
Or was it loneliness?
It didn’t matter. When the tears kept streaming and the lights danced with even more vivacity, taking on life eerily, the darkness truly fell and none of it mattered at all. The sounds lasted longer than the lights had, and the craving that I’d felt – the longing, the loneliness, the pain – all faded into nonexistence and that’s when it hit: it had never really important in the first place.