Daily Prompt: Complicated

via Daily Prompt: Complicated

[This is a nonfiction post!]

College.

Yeah… Either you’re one of those students that really loves talking college with others or you’re one of those – like me – who absolutely despises it. I’ll avoid college conversations with family and friends because I know that I’m taking a more different route through college than most everyone else that I know.

I didn’t go to a large university right out of high school like every other one of my friends. While they moved to D.C., Los Angeles, Santa Barbara, etc., I stayed in my hometown and went to a community college. Everyone asked why. That’s what I don’t get! Why did I stay? Well, better yet, why not? But instead of going through all of the positives of staying in a small town to go to a community college when I had graduated third in my class (which is not bragging, since again, it’s a small town without many graduates), I just said there were lots of reasons. Lots of complicated reasons that made perfect sense to me and no one else but me.

Now?

I’m three years out of high school and transferring to the closest university to my hometown so I can stay in small, crappy, said-hometown that I love and don’t want to leave. It may be crap, but it’s my crap. To be honest, I’m scared shitless. I start school in eight days. Eight friggin’ days… Why am I scared to go to a school that pretty much everyone is accepted into – a school that I will be driving to only twice a week to attend? It’s complicated. It’s just really, really, really complicated.

There’s absolutely nothing to be terrified of.

Yet, here I sit.

Utterly terrified.

Would frazzled be a better word?

Well, even that’s complicated to explain. I’m just a little on-edge, but a little more than “just a little.”

I think that at this point, everything just seems too complicated. I felt this way before junior high, high school, and community college, so it does make sense to feel this way now. It’s different. It’s new to me. It’s something that I’m excited about but not excited about. I don’t want to go but I’m looking forward to going. Again, it’s just complicated. In two years, I’ll be done with college a year after everyone else from my graduating high school class… Until then, I just need to focus on the moment and not let the “complicated” freak me out too much. I’ll get used to it, right? Everyone does, don’t they?

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